In my work with both couples and individuals I pay attention to the level of differentiation that exists in a relationship. Ellyn Bader, co-founder of The Couples Institute in Menlo, California, defines differentiation as the ongoing process of a person being able to define their thoughts, their feelings, their wishes and their desires to another …
In my work with individuals and especially with couples, I often talk about curiosity. What does it mean to be curious in a relationship? The art of being curious can show itself in different ways and this is what I look for when I work with couples. Are partners curious about each other? Do they …
This 75-Year Harvard Study Found the 1 Most Important Factor for Living a Happy and Fulfilling Life I think we can all agree that in this chaotic world, it’s difficult to figure out what’s most important to prioritize. It’s overwhelming to maintain a career and have a personal life, tend to our social media feeds …
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*This article is based on an interview conducted by Diane Poole-Heller with Ellyn Bader as well as ‘Stepping Stones to Intimacy: A Positive Outlook on the Challenges All Couples Face’, published by The Couples Institute. I do a lot of work with couples: married, defacto, not living together, in the midst of a break-up, separating, …
Differentiation: A Key Component to a Successful Relationship* Read More »
Lauren facilitated a Psych-K process for me which worked on my beliefs around having a loving and fully accepting partner and that my daughter was supportive and accepting of me being in a relationship. For years, I’ve held myself back as I believed my daughter would have difficulty sharing me with someone. Within a month …
When clients ask me what I think is the most important ingredient for a successful relationship, I always answer: ‘respect and trust for one another.’ Without these two ingredients, it is difficult to have an emotionally secure relationship with your partner. Many of us are what we call ‘conflict avoidant.’ This means that we aren’t …
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Esther Perel is a sex and relationship therapist, the best-selling author of Mating in Captivity and a consultant for the hit Showtime series The Affair. Her TED talks on Desire and Infidelity have been viewed more than 14 million times. This article was originally published as “Close Encounters: The Case Against Snooping” in the July 2016 issue of Cosmopolitan. …
Peter Pearson, Ph.D. and his wife, Dr. Ellyn Bader, founded The Couples Institute in1984. Both are psychologists and directors of the Institute and have helped over a thousand couples in their work. Pete is an engaging and dynamic therapist, speaker and writer. The following article is from a newsletter Pete has written. It is thought-provoking …
BA, BSW, MAASW, acc
Therapist/Counsellor