Differentiation: A Key Component to a Successful Relationship*

*This article is based on an interview conducted by Diane Poole-Heller with Ellyn Bader as well as ‘Stepping Stones to Intimacy:  A Positive Outlook on the Challenges All Couples Face’, published by The Couples Institute. 

I do a lot of work with couples: married, defacto, not living together, in the midst of a break-up, separating, divorcing and reconciling.  The couples who come in for counselling are in their teens, twenties, thirties, forties, fifties, sixties and sometimes
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Two Essential Ingredients for a Successful Relationship

When clients ask me what I think is the most important ingredient for a successful relationship, I always answer:  ‘respect and trust for one another.’

Without these two ingredients, it is difficult to have an emotionally secure relationship with your partner.


Many of us are what we call ‘conflict avoidant.’  This means that we aren’t comfortable with conflict and will do anything to avoid potential conflict with others.

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Why Snooping is Such a Bad Idea by Esther Perel

Esther Perel is a sex and relationship therapist, the best-selling author of Mating in Captivity and a consultant for the hit Showtime series The Affair.  Her TED talks on Desire and Infidelity have been viewed more than 14 million times.  This article was originally published as "Close Encounters: The Case Against Snooping" in the July 2016 issue of Cosmopolitan.

 In your ideal relationship, do you hope you'll tell each other everything?

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Lauren Sokolski is a Melbourne therapist, couples counsellor and registered social worker who helps singles and couples with relationship problems and those struggling with issues of grief and loss, life transitions, depression and anxiety. She has offices in Bentleigh, South Yarra, and Caulfield North.

Lauren Sokolski

Lauren Sokolski



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